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Saturday, July 2, 2011

John Lennon



the beatles were my solace as a little girl.. their music was always there, always something i could count on.. i still find them comforting...

~~~~~

i take note of today
and it makes me reflect on the past week
the past months
and back beyond...

now it is 13 years when i made a life change
leaving, finishing school, fighting the battle, finding the day job, and now finding a fight for labor..

another life change is brewing.
never thought about age 53 in the way i'm experiencing it.

never thought about it at all really.

now the center of the wheel is loose and wobbly, and feels very fragile, but as i learned from my mother, stand tall and straight.

creative energy is almost non-existent these days but i am holding on with a tightened grip, maybe it's too tight..

i sit and listen to music and feel frozen a lot.

music still moves me, art does too.. but i'm feeling so balled up inside i can hardly move when i'm not having to show up at the designated commitment.

the "reasoned, rational" part of me knows it will pass, and i will find my way, the "emotional" part of me is scared to death and sees no movement to change what is... at least it's not fast enough.. and truthfully, it all depends on me.. to make the moves.

i write into the abyss.. to the ether of the vacant endless spiral of social networking.. yes, i do have people that care about me.. but truthfully again, i'm alone.

i take a long weekend to just be. not be anywhere or talk to anyone in particular, and hope by the time i have to show up again somewhere i will have the energy.  i will call upon the sea at some point.

my soul is full of art and voice, music and poems.. i just can't sort it out right now..

two people told me not to "let them burn you out"... well... i am an emotional being, and business/politics is certainly a drain. I've been asked several times if i want to step out.. i'm stubborn i guess.. life is what it is, and for some reason, i'm here, doing this task, at this moment to learn something about me and my journey.

ok, that said, i still feel inspired and have many projects ahead, it's just hard to sort out my priorities, and it's hard to stay task focused. writing helps me to center.

http://youtu.be/ULjRzDN4oXU



the only thing keeping me at the day job anymore is the children, and the principled fight for labor rights. Libraries should not be run as a corporation.


http://youtu.be/2LbGwivlueQ



taking the truth sharing path is a lonesome walk.

"... i know further down the line, everything is gonna be alright..."

2 comments:

  1. Dear(est) Robbin, Your struggle is what defines you. You are water flowing in the path that you can follow. You may take directions that make you wonder who is in control and make you wonder why you are where you are now at this moment, but never forget your dream/vision for it helps us who flow along (sometimes) parrallel paths to define our own journey. Your heart is great and so is your art. Struggle on dear there is peace for all of us somewhere down the road. xx SHINE

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  2. Hello Alan, thank you so much for your response. I hear you loudly across the ocean.. and yes, I understand what you say. It is difficult at times to make sense of what is happening while the waters seem so cloudy and muddy at times.. but I will persevere, as a tree.. and stand tall, digging down for strength and up for freedom.. thanks again my dear friend!

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